Wrapping up the Center Garden

I feel the need to post a sort of concluding message about the center garden. The message of that garden is fairly simple though so I don't expect this to be a long post. I must remind myself that not every post needs to be long. Part of this is an exercise in the practice of writing.

We've looked at the broad ideas of the center garden. That you must find a balance within yourself. Learn about yourself. Love yourself. Find what you enjoy, what you do well. Take pride in yourself. Be realistic though. Know your limitations as well and your weaknesses.

You don't need to wait until you die to find serenity and joy. You don't need to give up parts of yourself to be happy. It may be difficult and work and a challenge but you can be happy with this life. You just need to know yourself first, mentally, emotionally, physically.

A Dream

Today is the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington. I'm not entirely sure how much emphasis this gets in schools anymore, both in and outside of the US. Still, Dr. King's message and speeches are a source of inspiration for many and a rallying cry for any that feel oppressed and ignored within the US.

Now, I'm white. I come from a middle class family. I've gone to college and worked. I've traveled outside of the US. I've also had months where I don't know how I can afford food, worry that the lights are about to shut off, and am trying not to think about where the month for next month's rent will come from. I like to think I've gotten to see a decent amount of the financial spectrum. That said, I know that I haven't ever had to live in fear of my life. I haven't had to worry about losing my job because of my skin color. Or sexual orientation. Or religious beliefs. I haven't had to worry that I may lose my home or fear for my physical safety because of any of these things.

Still, when I got on to G+ this morning, I saw one of the most wonderfully written things mimicking and adapting Dr. King's I Have A Dream speech.

"I have a dream. That we will face our inequalities. That we will admit that our racism, hate and sexism is a product of our fear of the unknown. That all people are worth while, worth the smile and hello on the street, letting that one car in when they want to move over in heavy traffic, and even if we don't like an idea it deserves the respect of a healthy debate. I have a dream that we will judge people on the content of our character but not the way we look, live or work."

My girlfriend wrote that. It both made me smile and remember the reasons I love her as well as give me hope. These are some of the things I hope people strive for. This is part of walking the path. It is another way to say it and another way to look at it. Its truth rings out just as much though.

I wanted to place this thought somewhere I could easily find it again so I could look at it and remember. As this blog is also to share my ideas of the Path I started to walk, it seems appropriate to share this here.

The Center Garden- Forbidden things

The last point I'll make in the center garden is typically the source of a lot of controversy in the US. It doesn't just exist in the center garden though, this is the third part of the Path itself. The first was Elua's lesson- Love as thou wilt. Shemhazai's was the second- All knowledge is worth having. The third is the purview of Naamah- desire and physicality.

As I mentioned in a prior post, the Path is a emotional, mental, and physical thing. The center garden is about yourself. About knowing and understanding yourself and from this, loving and accepting yourself. Naamah's lessons of desire really take bloom in the next garden, but here is where her basis begins.

America is greatly divided on anything regarding sex. There is a perception that the majority of parents don't want to talk to their kids about it. It's suppose to be an adult thing. It's something for after marriage. It's forbidden, taboo, and EVERYWHERE in our marketing strategies. Because we don't want to talk about it, because we're a bit obsessed with it, we send very conflicting messages about sex. So I'll make my stance on it very clear.

Sex is a positive and healthy thing.

And as long as it's between two (or more) coherent and consenting adults (by the legal definition), I don't particularly care how you do it. But we'll deal with sex with other people in a later post. Right now, we're looking at you.

Do you know what makes you happy? Honestly?

So much media noise is about a hetero monogamous missionary couple. We do start to see homosexual partners. But still monogamous. Still, as the kink community would call it, vanilla. Kink is starting to hit mainstream a little with the 50 Shades series. But it's still a scandalous thing. Censorship has little problem with the idea of a guy reaching climax, but heaven forbid the implication of a woman reaching climax without her male partner also climaxing. (Ie- implication of a guy receiving oral vs woman receiving vs a couple post sex) So much noise telling us sex is suppose to be done a certain way and if you don't, you're wrong.

Truthfully, they are wrong.

There is a whole spectrum of ways to be physical. With yourself. With another. With many others. The important thing to remember is, again borrowing from the kink community, keep it safe, sane, and consensual. I'm fairly certain you're not going to hit upon a new fetish. You're not weird if you realize you're not into sex itself or that you can't seem to function without many partners. Ace's and poly folk are out there. The first step is simply learning about yourself.

I could tell you about all the ways you can enjoy yourself. But my perspective is just that. Mine. I have no idea what you may like. For about half the population, I don't even have the required parts to understand it. So I encourage you to learn. The internet is a fantastic resource. Just watch out on the porn sites. It's easy to accidentally see something you don't want.

This is a continual process. Tastes change. Physiology changes. What you didn't like 5 years ago may be something you're into now. Or vise versa. That's okay too. Remember. Learn, understand, accept, love. All parts of you; mental, emotional, physical. If we start to look toward the next garden, those immediately around you, how can you explain your wants and needs to them if you don't truly understand them yourself.

New blooms

Let's take a look at something new today. We've talked about divine ideals, getting to know yourself, and how one either likes or hates the things around them. Let's look at what is commonly thought of as a sin. Well, commonly in Western society. Though I do believe many other cultures look down on this as well.

Pride.

Thought I was going to say Lust, didn't you? Don't worry that will be in a different post.

So. Pride. This commonly comes up when I start talking about getting to know yourself and learning to like and love who and what you are and do. You start to find the things you're good at. You start to enjoy them because, you're good at them. But wait, that's Pride. That's suppose to be bad, right? I mean nobody likes an arrogant ass.

And right there you've hit upon the difference.

Most of the time, arrogance and pride go hand in hand. If you're prideful about what you're good at, you get arrogant. Or so the common thought goes. But think. I'm sure there is at least one person in your life that is simply amazing at something. Cooking, singing, writing, coding, reading, math, sports, the list goes on and on. Now, some of those people will flaunt that they're good at it. Think through the list though. In that list you should find a few that don't. They quietly accept your praise, smile, nod, and move on. Some of these people will think you're being nice. Some know that this is something they're good at but they don't need to flaunt it. What they do speaks for itself. That is the Pride I'm referring to.

From a historical perspective, Pride as a sin makes sense. With a large population indoctrinated against pride, it was easier to exploit lower classes. If they don't take pride in their work, how will they see value in it? Today that societal restriction isn't required to be in place.Yes, there's still class division and exploitation of the disadvantaged and a number of other things. The need for the common man to not feel pride in themselves for society to function is greatly reduced, however. The powers that be will not force you be shunned or beaten or punished for it.

Understand, though, the difference between pride and arrogance. It's can be a very fine one. The simplest comes down to a realistic understanding of what you're doing. It comes back to knowing yourself. Arrogance comes in most commonly when you think you're better than you are and you feel the need to prove yourself. There are times though when it's simply pride with malicious intent. Which, if that's the case, well, go back to the last post and take a look and the ideas of understanding and love.

So really, this is more of a continuation off of getting to know yourself. You're going to find things you're good at. Enjoy them. Take pride in it.

Just keep a realistic idea of it.

Small things

Once a month, I drive ~250 mi and work in Seattle. Usually leave on Friday or Saturday, come home Sunday. Gives me a chance to see friends, maybe a fun thing or two, as well as work.

This time, I got to hang out with a good friend of mine around the university. As we were walking, deciding on dinner we passed a convenience store with a... Well, very likely a bum, sitting out front. My friend and I turn to go in and the bum speaks up.

Now, both of us figured he was going to ask for change. It's what most of them do. This man was different. He asked if one of us would be kind enough to surprise him with one of two beverages. Either Dairygold's chocolate or strawberry milk.

Change, I'd turn down. Beer I'd turn down. But milk? I can spare the ~$3 for that. Especially for the look of shear delight on his face when I handed him a bottle of strawberry milk.

After dinner, my friend and I are headed back to his place when a piece of paper on the ground catches my eye. Pausing to look at it, I quickly realize what I thought looked like an acct number is actually a social security number. Somebody had dropped their social security benefits statement.
For those that don't know, there's easily enough information on that document for anybody to commit identity fraud.

Quick check of the address (and nothing else) reveals they're more than a bit of a walk from here. That letter is getting remailed along with a note of where it was find and a recommendation to check for identity theft.

Both of these things are small acts. I didn't even think about posting then until I was talking with others about the path in general. I was reminded; it's not about the big things, but the little ways you change your life to help others. Will these count toward my seasonal total? Not unless I do a lot more of them. Like 10 total. But the thing to remember is not every act needs to be big. It's about how you live your life.

Updates

Yes. They're going to be irregular.

I'd love to get these down to a regular thing. Like every Monday or something. Maybe Thursdays? Not much happens on Thursdays it seems. Ooh. Today is Thursday... maybe... Right, anyway. The catch is, my life is chaotic. Mostly because I try to do too much stuff. Maybe I'll be able to get ahead and write a few more in advanced and then set them to autopost.

That's the ideal.

Probably? These will be catch as catch can. I'm also not always going to post to my G+ acct that I've updated. Primarily because I don't like doing that. I feel like I'm harassing you to come read my blog. But I do want you to know there are updates. Thus! There is an RSS feed. Use it. Love it. I've been enjoying commafeed.com since Google Reader went down (Damn you Google!) For those of you on RSS's, feel free to share which ones you use.

Now, I'm going to go be a pirate for a few days and think about how to talk about the Center Garden some more and mentally layout my next charity post- small things.

The Center Garden- Foundation

Last post, I talked about how we're all mortal beings with wants and needs. Which, in reality, is a fairly banal sentiment. I point it out, however, to contrast many of the existing world philosophies.

Many have you strive toward a "divine ideal", be it a moral code or enlightenment or what not. This is not an inherently bad thing. Bettering yourself is good. The catch is many of these beliefs ask/require you to leave behind some/most/all mortal desires. The very things that we are. This I do not agree with.

The foundation of the center garden is also the foundation to the path itself. Of the 8 angels to follow Elua, Shemhazai taught the motto "All knowledge is worth having." The path is three fold; learn and understand, love, and accept; mentally, physically, and emotionally.

As people, we either love or hate something. Like or dislike. There are very few things in which we are indifferent. This includes ourselves. We may joke the only thing constant is death and taxes or change, but the truth is the only thing that will always be in your life is you.  You will always be with you. Which seems like a fairly simple thing. How could you leave yourself?

Actually, it's fairly easy to do. They're called distractions. I really think they're more like addictions. It's easier to level your Druid in WoW than to think about yourself beyond the "Did I have dinner?". TV, books, games, food, other people... and yes, gambling, sex, drugs; there are tons of ways in which we distract ourselves from our Self. But sit here and think about yourself. About what you're doing. About what your work, your home, your relationship, your philosophies, your actions... all of it. Somewhere, you'll know. You will either love (or like) where you are going or hate (dislike) it, or even fear it. Machiavelli has probably one of the most famous quotes in regards to love and fear.

"Upon this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with."

And while this may apply to leading people, in truth, it can apply to more than just that. The problem is that loving something takes work. Anybody that's tried to host a large party can tell you how hard it is to please everybody. Individual wants and needs. Experiences that may be fine to one person but trigger another. There are, I think, as many different needs for love as there are people.
 
Fear or dislike, on the other hand, is much easier. Humans are fairly basic beings. Our fears are well documented and can be used in science as a collective much easier than love. Which is something Machiavelli gets at- it is easier to be feared than loved. Even if can get you killed in the end.

This applies to ourselves as well. Look at the beauty industry, fashion, the media... So much of it is about how you can look better, feel better, do better, be better. Most of this plays on our fears, our dislike, of ourselves. Take the steps to learn about yourself. Take the steps to understand yourself. From there, you can grow and (hopefully) learn to like or love yourself. Don't confuse it with complacency though. Letting yourself become morbidly obese because you've discovered you love sweet things is not loving yourself. It's a good way to slowly or stealthily kill yourself.

There's still a bit more to the center garden, but we'll get to that in a later post. Right now, start to get to know yourself and face those fears about yourself. They're not as scary as you think. I promise.

Heart of the Garden

A number of years ago, I read a book called Night Gardening. It was a delightful love story about a late in life romance started by the couple's mutual passion for gardening. One of the things the gentleman said in regards to gardening has always stuck with me.

"With real gardeners- ... -there was usually one place where their soul and that of the garden's met. The step gardens were that place for her."

I have found this, over the years, to be true about a number of things. A small grain of a thought will take root in your mind and from that single point, things will begin to take shape. You may dance around this heart a thousand times trying to convey it without realizing. But there it is.

Here is the kernel to which my philosophies started from. Describing it takes a bit longer, but I need to give you the basis it came from first.

Jacquelyn Carey created a pantheon for her Kushiel's Legacy series. Elua, the head of this pantheon, is born from the blood of Yeshua bin Yosef and the tears of the Magdalen. In the world's history, he is joined by eight angels and travels the world preaching one message. Love as thou wilt. He is eventually approached by the One God's Host to join his grandfather in Heaven. Elua's response is this:

"He scored the palm of his own hand and where his blood fell on the earth anemones bloomed. Elua refused saying, 'My grandfather's Heaven is bloodless and I am not. Let him offer a better place, where we may love and sing and grow as we are wont, where our children and our children's children may join us, and I will go.' "

Many religions offer a place of salvation for the afterlife. Somewhere we will go that all will be well. No suffering, no injustice, no harm. Where one will be rejoined with all that they've lost whether that's people or understanding or enlightenment. Where we can join in the chorus singing praises to the Divine or contemplate the steps we have taken along our road to enlightenment.

The catch is, it's the afterlife. This life, we are told and taught, is full of suffering and injustice and that is simply the way it is. Just get through this and all will be well in the end.

The lesson I took from Elua is such: We are mortal. We are blood and bone and sinew. We have wants and needs and desires. We may have divine influence in our life, be it blessed as a chosen follower, following karmic paths, or being touched by his noodley appendage; but at the end of the day, we are still mortal. To strive for an afterlife that is free of our wants and desires, of our toil and suffering, is understandable. Living is hard. But those very wants, desires, longings, and sufferings are the things that define us; that make us human. Cherish the things that make us so. Live this life. If there comes an afterlife in which all of those things that make us human are gone and that is what you want, than I wish you well in it. I, however, am going to shape my life to love and sing and grow as I am want to do.

60-100 years is a long time to wait for peace and serenity. The first step on this path is to accept that this is the life you are living.

Strolling

This entry has been a bit difficult to write, I'll admit.

How do you compact close to 30 years of experiences and exploration that culminate and crystallize into a series of ideas that now shape how you live your life?

I suppose the easy thing to do would be to not. Don't bother defining the path. Don't bother explaining my philosophies or why I'm doing my acts of charity other than to say "It's a good thing to do".

The problem is, I want you to understand. I want you to look at this and see the outline of the path, to understand what it's made of, and see where it goes. That way, if you like this particular path, you can walk it too. I don't want these to just be my isolated foot prints as I walk along. There's more to this than just I can enact.

So I suppose we should start at the beginning. If we're going to continue with the paths analogy, then let me describe the garden we'll be strolling through. Unlike many paths, this one won't start at the edge of the garden and through it. This one will start at it's heart and move out, spiraling. Along the path, there are smaller paths, smaller gardens within. By walking along the path outward, you should go through each of these smaller gardens to a degree, but it's also possible to stroll through them deeper than I'll likely go in these entries.

Oh yes. Another reason to write about the path. So there's more to this blog than just stories.

Mind you. This philosophy is a collection of my own experiences and observations. I don't expect it to make sense to others immediately. Or ever. I am, however, interested in sharing them with you, and seeing what you think of them

...I am, however, going to chicken out and start describing the path in the next post. Cause it really is it's own set of ideas and ideals.

His name was... Tim

So, the incident that started all of this. Some of you have already heard this story. Some may be joining this party a bit late. Either way, it was my first act and what prompted me to make an effort.

I spend a lot of time in my car. I mean, a lot. For two years I had a two hour commute, one way. For one of those years, it was five days a week. As such, I see a lot of broken down vehicles, hitchhikers, and panhandlers. Sometimes, I help and give folks a lift, a granola bar, something. More times, I keep driving like everybody else.

Back on June 16th, I was driving home on a country highway and saw a car pulled over, hazard lights going, gas can on the roof. For whatever reason I decided, I had the time. I would pull over and at the least give the person a lift back to town. Unfortunately, I hadn't decided this quite fast enough to pull along side the car, and thus had to find a place to turn around. Either way, I soon found myself across the highway from said broken down car.

As I bring my car to stop, the owner of the car comes around. I won't lie. I may have been saying "Hey, is everything okay?" but my brain was say Okay, guy looks a bit sketch. Well, my doors are still locked, car's running, and he's got to come across the highway first. Interview time. Just because I've picked up hitch hikers before doesn't mean I'm an idiot about it.

Thus, we begin to talk. Yes, he was okay. His car just ran out of gas. No, he didn't need a lift. In theory, he had friends coming to help him. Granted, that was an hour and a half ago. But they said they were coming. No, it was okay, he'd just wait for them. They said they were coming and he wouldn't want to leave just as they showed up. Did I know, though, I was the first person to pull over and ask in the two hours he'd been there?

Two hours? Really? He'd been there for two hours and nobody had stopped or paid him any attention?

Well, not quite, he admitted. Some guys in a beat up truck threw something at him. Which turned out to be a screwdriver I had spotted in the middle of the road. He picked it up when I pointed it out. At the time they threw it, he hadn't seen where it landed. He was too busy ducking at the time. Another woman in a big SUV almost ran him and his dog over as he was sitting where I was parked waiting for his friends. But otherwise, I was it.

This floored me. I understand turning a blind eye and just keep driving. It's the mob mentality. Somebody else will stop. But to intentionally make the effort to scare or possibly hurt him? Some random guy stranded on the side of the road? That left me speechless. Really. My jaw was slightly open and I just stared at him.

As I was doing my fish impression, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Thank you. You've given me a little more faith in people again." Just for stopping. Just for seeing if he needed a lift. We introduced ourselves, and he said, "Well, I should probably try to call my friends again. Thanks again for stopping." I wished him well as he walked back around his car and started to turn my car around to turn back into traffic.

As I pulled back onto the highway, I glanced back at him. He'd gotten his dog out of the car, looked almost like a Pomeranian, and was smiling and using the dog's paw to wave at me. I smiled and nodded, being half way through a sharp left turn, and continued on my way home.

His name was Tim, and the when I drove past that spot the next day, I didn't see his car there. I hope his friends showed up and he managed to get where ever he was going.

Preface, Intro, or whatever you want to call the beginning

Last year, I started a new tradition for my birthday. I began to use it for making yearly resolutions. New Years had gotten to cliche for me and the process lost meaning. My birthday, however, seemed appropriate. When better to mark, yearly, when to remake myself?

Previously, it's been typical stuff. Pay off debts. Start a savings. Get things. Etc. You know the type. This year, I've added something a little different. This year I want to start doing things. Most notably, I want to start living a bit more according to my personal philosophies.

That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, we all live according to our own moral codes, right? Then you start to think about it. You know it's good to help people. But what do you do if you see a panhandler? You ignore them. You think negative things about them. "Oh, they'll likely buy drugs. Or alcohol. Or whatever." Don't feel too guilty about it. We all do it. I do it. And yea, some of them will. But some of them are really just trying to get enough money together to get another tank of gas to get them closer to...where ever... they're going.

Consider yourself then, my work out buddy. I'm sure we're both perfectly healthy. We do decent things for people. But I want to push myself a bit harder. I want to get a little stronger, a little leaner. And I need help to keep myself honest. I need to know somebody that I personally know, verse some ethereal idea of an entity, is helping me get to the gym and hit those goals I set. Here, I'll post about them. Maybe even with photos attached.

This is my chronicle of trying to walk the path.